BFN

I originally started this blog when infertility was beginning to exhaust me. At the beginning, I thought it would probably be a short-lived thing. I would pop a few clomid and be pregnant.

It was when I came to realize that this journey would be far longer that I put this blog into existence. I could only build up the energy to tell one person what was happening. I could only build up the energy to keep all my shots and meds in order, while dealing with all their related side effects. Well, I've hit that point again. So, here we go...again.

Our fourth FET (frozen embryo transfer) was negative. Not a BFP (big fat positive) like our first transfer, not an ectopic like our second, and not an early miscarriage like our third. Just a BFN (big fat negative). That means, out of 9 'perfect' embryos, we have one perfect little girl. We continue to beat the odds...in a negative way. We just can't be infertility averages. We are the bottom 25% of infertiles. Joy.

But, we have hope. We aren't done in this journey. Our hearts tell us we aren't. We are doing another fresh IVF cycle, hopefully before the end of the year. We are comfortable that 25 years from now, the cost will not even be a consideration, whether we are fortunate to have another child or not. We know that we wouldn't be comfortable giving up now regardless of the outcome. We just don't want to leave any 'what-ifs' out there.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and yes we know there are other options. We know having just one child is a complete blessing, and we know that Addie will have a great childhood regardless of if she has a sibling or not. We know that adoption is an option. We know that fostering is an option, and so on and so forth. We just know that our road is leading us to IVF again. We don't know where that road will go and when, but that is the choice we are happy with right now. If that doesn't work, our road will change.

I'm definitely doing fine. I'm very shocked, honestly, that none of these three transfers stuck for the long haul. I truly thought our little frozen embryos would be more than enough. But, I know that I am not in charge. I have faith that whatever is meant to be, will be. We just have to do our best to decide what we think the 'right' path for us is, and leave the rest to God.

I'm meeting with my reproductive endocrinologist when she is back from vacation (end of September?) to discuss our past cycles and make the plan and timeline for the next. I'll let you know as soon as I meet with her. I'm excited, in a way, to continue this journey, because I know it isn't over yet. Thanks again for all of your support. It is truly the only way I get by some days!